Mourning my loss of womanhood

Next Friday I'm having a hysterectomy. It's not unexpected, I've had a few issues and we're hoping that removing my womb will sort those issues. I've been through menopause, so I'm not going to have hormone replacement therapy to deal with the loss of hormones.

I have a complicated relationship with my womb. Due to a genetic issue I have a unicornate womb - it's only half a womb. And I only have one ovary. I've often joked that I'm only half a woman, and attributed my love of rugby union, car stuff and beer to my missing half! I hate think how much worse my periods would have been if I'd had the whole thing!

Because of my issues I couldn't have children, so my womb has never really been used as it was intended. Dont get me wrong, I'm sad but not devastated that I couldn't have children, but I am still mourning the imminent loss of my womb and, potentially, my only ovary (my surgeon has said he will try to save it but he's not super confident). They signify to me that I am a woman. Without them what do I become? (I understand that my chromosomes actually make me a woman, but it seems that actually having the kit is also a big signifier for me.)

I'm not sure my husband understands why I'm so tense and snappy at present. I told him it's the same as if he was having his testicles removed.

So next Friday looms large. I'm not looking forward to the possible pain that will follow this surgery, but I am looking forward to not having to worry about how my womb issues are affecting other parts of my body.

Getting better!

I managed to catch a bug on the plane home from our trip to Canberra and Queensland. The flight home was cramped and stuffy - not good. So this week has been brought to you by panadiene (the coedine stops the sniffles), hot showers and general patheticness.  

It wasn't all bad. I did go and see the final installment of the Twilight saga (saga is the most apt description) with my book club gal pals. (I really don't see the attraction, but half of them are crazy for Twilight!) And we went and saw Skyfall last night in the Gold Class (thank you, generous client). It was pretty good. Not great, but that may have been my general malaise, plus the wait staff walking in front during moments of high drama.

However this morning I'm up, have walked the dogs, unpacked suit cases (stuff is all over the bed, but we're making progress), put on washing and am about to put up my Christmas tree.

Yay! I'm getting better.   However I feel guilty celebrating recovery. I read a blog of a woman who lives with what is probably an incurable syndrome, which, along with other nasty things, is slowly robbing her of her quality of life. I admire her fortitude, which she willingly admits deserts her from time to time, so my glee in getting better feels quite churlish. But it's so nice to see the end of feeling blah. However my hubby has just rung to say he's probably coming down with the bug. Oh well.

Health

I've worked out if I do the following then life is pretty good:

• Drink enough water so I don't get dehydrated - dehydration for me can spell a swift descent into illness, which obviously isn't a good thing
• Eat healthy foods - Fresh vegetables, in particular for me, enough protein, some dairy - you know the drill
• Don't eat too much wheat - or my insides rebel. And I feel yukky.
• Don't over do the carbs - if I eat too many carbs without enough protien I feel really awful (tired, mainly)
• Don't drink too much alcohol and have the occasional alcohol free day
• Exercise regularly - It helps keep me fit (sort of, as I only walk) and helps with weight management
• Wear my orthotics and sports shoes when I walk my dogs - otherwise my right ankle and foot give me lots of grief
• Get enough sleep - I'm a 7am to 10pm girl.  If I go to bed much later then getting up is so much harder. I wish I was a morning person, but I'm not.

However there is a downside.  I rarely feel refreshed and full of energy when I wake up in the morning.  I have no idea why - the mattress on my bed is a good one, we have cotton bedding and good pillows, so it's not the environment, it's me. 

The number of days when I feel full of energy and want to spring out of bed, walk the dogs, come home and whizz around doing all my chores I could count on one hand, may be two.  It would be wonderful to wake up and want to get out of bed, but it just doesn't happen.  Any tips on how to get me waking up energized would be appreciated!

Healing

Last week I bit the inside of my mouth really hard.  So hard I thought I was going to faint, or throw up. Luckily neither of those things happened but it bloody hurt.  Brushing my teeth on that injured side was a bit of challenge for the first few days.  6 days later the inside of my mouth is nearly healed - amazing. It's healing much quicker than other parts of me that that get scratched or bumped.  

Perhaps the scientists should look at the cells in our inner cheeks for the secret to eternal youth!